Well that was probably the biggest mistake of my life, I’m a really big douche bag and I lost a girl I cared about more than anything. I even said I wasn’t going to let it happen but I did and now its too late to take anything back. So much has happened between us I don’t know if we could ever have a healthy relationship despite the fact that’s all I want, I still wish you were moving in with me i still wish we were together and i still wish i could have a future together. I’m so sorry.
Its funny I care so much about you but if she walked into my life again i dont know what i’s do. our annual catching up walk is approaching no doubt time to feel the rush of feelings hit me like a brick wall again.
Leave the past behind, just walk away, When its over and my heart breaks, and the cracks begin to show.
Its going to be next to impossible to get through this week i can feel these thoughts beginning to creep over me and take me over. I don’t know if i can handle this. I dont know if i will make it through.
Your right he does need you, he needs you to feel sorry for him and comfort him physically since no one else feels sorry for a guy who raped his girlfriend.
Go fuck him like you would have eventually, your feelings for him never disappeared. I know its always been in your head that you guys could get back together and work. We wouldn’t have turned out to be anything probably anyways.
I don’t even let myself think properly or let shit out anymore i just distract myself all the time and deal with things as they hit me. For the past few months its been getting worse and worse my outlook on life continues to dim, its gotten to the point id say its as worse as it ever has been, but no one really knows the extent, with the exception of someone i know who sees people auras and has apparently been watching mine become increasingly grey and dim to the point apparently its usually black. I have this defeated look about me all the time, like I’ve finally realized you can not win in this life and trying to do anything but survive the fucked up shit that has become the regularity of this world. I’m not really sure what the truth is but this all seems like a game to me.
